Local Press Coverage

UPDATE: Check out the local ABCFOXMONTANA news coverage of the Mentana Project! PRESS COVERAGE. We will continue posting models as Terry finishes with the raw photos. We are still accepting models. Register here if you are still interested and would like to be contacted about becoming a model. Also make a donation to keep the project in production. Any donation amount is greatly appreciated, even if it's just a dollar. Donate here. 

Meet William Matross

Size kept most people away.  While many are concerned about homophobia, I’ve never felt its sting. Instead, I’ve felt the heart crushing effects of obesophobia. We grow up in a culture where fast food and pre-prepared meals are cheaper than the healthy alternative, yet we shame people whose BMI puts them in the obese category. I was the typical fat kid, picked last for nearly any activity, invited to social events only as another body or out of some press from parents to make sure I was included. Once there, I was left to talk with the adults while the kids played. When I was with my “friends” I made fun of myself, cutting myself down to lessen the hurt when other people did it, which only invited them to try harder to hurt me.  

Unlike most of my peers, I was extremely young when puberty set in. I had a nice “treasure trail” by the time I was ten. My precocious body provided kids a new way to tease and new terms like man-boy were thrown at me with so much vile hatred that I feared going to places like the public pool. When I did go, I would wear my trunks there and kept a shirt on. I’d even went so far as to shave everything wispy strand off in order to fit what I felt was normal. I tried to keep everything smooth from my face to my toes, but eventually it was too difficult to upkeep and I eventually gave up.

My desperate attempts to fit in didn’t stop at keeping my body hair at bay. Not understanding anything about how metabolism works, I started eating less. Not in a healthy sense of cutting back my portions, but going whole days without food. I was happy if I could get a few days on a meal or two. I was certain that by denying myself food, the thing that I blamed for my size, I could get thin. And if I was thin then I deserved to be liked. I deserved to be loved. Unfortunately, when I starved myself, I damaged my already genetically poor metabolism. When starving didn’t work, I tried every fad diet my parents went on. Every time one failed, I treated myself like a failure. I hated my body and there were nights I would cry myself to sleep wishing I would die in my sleep and not waste any more space.

I spent so much of my life trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be, that somewhere along the line I forgot who I was. It has taken thirty-five years, but I am finally coming out of the biggest closet of my life—coming out as me. The last year has been filled with little coming outs, opening up about my past and the events that shaped who I am today and being comfortable in my own skin. I have felt enough hate in my life and I am done fueling the flames. This project has given me another way that I can be me, by removing the most mundane way to hide myself. We all wear masks, but sometimes we have to put the mask away and be proud of who we are.

I put on faces to hide from the pain

I put on faces to keep me sane

I put on masks

For anyone who asks

the Truth

Rediscover: Eric Lawrence

I am a work in progress. I am always growing and changing with the trials I've faced, people I've met, and the places I've been, shaping me into the man I am today.

I was born in Indiana and moved to Montana when I was very young. I moved around a lot so investing in long term friendships was virtually impossible. I was always the good kid, did what I was told, and followed the rules most of my life. I've always put the needs of others before my own because I didn't want to burden others with my problems so I bottled them up and put them out of sight.

I moved away from Montana to pursue a better career in the Commercial Airline industry, to travel around to states I’ve never been, and to experience life outside of the shelter of Montana.  During my travels the floodgates burst wide open and I lost all self-control. There were no boundaries, my inhibition was lost, and judgment was "blurred".  I realized towards the end of that year I needed help and moved back to Montana.

Major life events during 2013/2014

**December 5 - Parents Divorced

  Dec 31 - Breakup - His reason being not ready for commitment.

  Feb 6 - He then began to date a friend of mine, lowering my self-worth.

  Mar 7- Tested positive for HIV

**March 13 - Confirmed diagnosis of HIV (results received at the beginning of my first photo-shoot)

  Mar 17 - Brother and Sister-in-law discussed plan to divorce

  Aug 16 - Made a health conscious decision to step down from management. I became          critical of my resignation, feeling that I failed yet again.

**September 26 – I quit my job and moved to Seattle with intentions to overdose on drugs.

***October 18 - Predetermined date of my VERY LAST BIRTHDAY. However my plan was found out by a close friend, who convinced me to go back home.

Dec 3 - Brother and his family moved to Wyoming.

**Dec 25 – Woke up early, however stayed in bed wishing the day would end. I just wanted to let the HIV run its course so I stopped taking my meds. Around noon my mother convinced me to go see "Into the Woods" with her. The song "You are not alone" at the end rang deep in my soul. I realized that even though I feel alone, there is always someone on my side. Giving me a glimmer of hope that it will get better. Day by day I am regaining my strength to keep moving forward.

I chose to get a tattoo of the biohazard symbol to represent my struggle with HIV, which has been made to look like weathered stone to symbolize that it will always a part of my life. It will be stay a part of me in years to come as time fades everything. I also chose to have ivy growing and spiraling throughout the symbol because of what it symbolizes. It represents survival and determination to grow in the harshest of conditions. It seems to be “virtually” indestructible and will often return after it has suffered damage or has been severely cut back. This is an example of the human spirit and the strength we all have to carry on regardless of how harrowing our setbacks may have been.

As I said before I am and will always be a work in progress.

I will survive no matter what hardships may come my way.

It's Been a Great Week for the MENtana Project!

We are continuing to look for models.

What a great kick off! Thank you all for your support and interest in the project! We're still taking models and if you are interested in the project you can still sign up (here).

We are looking for models from all different parts of Montana. This is an opportunity to explore our body, body image, and what it means to identify as "masculine".

There are a few voices I'd really like to share and to do that I'm hoping you will participate.

I'm looking for HIV positive guys* who don't mind publicly disclosing their status to be part of a group photo. I'm also looking for HIV negative guys* who wouldn't mind standing with their positive brothers and disclosing their status.  I want you to take a stand with me. We are not just going to be a group photo of POZ Guys. We are going to be a group of guys who are honest and who share their status.

Trans masculine identifying, Queer,  Unicorn, Two Spirited and gender non specific folk are also encourage to sign up. Your voice is key and I cannot fully do this project justice without your participation as a model. Your voice is important and there are so many folks out there that need to hear your stories.

Group photos can probably be arranged if you and a partner(s) would like to participate.

So if you want to share your story I want to hear it.

Donations can now be made via Paypal and we’ve added a few incentives to donors! See the list below:

• $5     --Grassroots Support  (10% discount on Calendar)
• $10    --Facilitators (15% discount on Calendar and free quarter size white iron on decal)
• $25    --Community Leaders (30% discount on Calendar and free half-size white iron on decal)
• $50+  --VIP Supporters (FREE MENtana calendar, recognition of donation in calendar, and  free full-size white iron on decal)

MENTANA Calendar Project (MCP)

ABOUT THE PROJECT

Welcome to the MENTANA Calendar Project (MCP) a journey of Montana's finest collection of men*.

This project follows the guidance of the 

Montana Gay Men's Task Force
and has enlisted the artistic vision of
Terry Cyr Photography

This project seeks to take men* from across Montana and explore the rich and diverse uniqueness that is present in our communities and give them a chance to share their stories in a safe and comfortable space. By looking closer at ourselves and how we are subjected to the influences of the media, peers, family, institutions, gender/society, and others, we aim to show men* in a healthier light and more importantly tell their stories about their bodies and their identities. 

All proceeds from the project will be used to fund HIV testing, community building for gay* men, fund retreats for men* all across Montana to join us to build comradery, provide peer educated as a tool to create behavior change for healthier lifestyles,develop a sense of fraternity among men* in Montana, and learn ways to better cope with stigma and discrimination and how to challenge those institutions that seek to deny us our rights and access to better health. This project believes in the Montana Gay Men's Task Force mission statement:

Working to provide sensitive, appropriate and comprehensive health messages and interventions aimed at improving the overall health of gay, bisexual, transgender, Two Spirit, and queer men in Montana. Our vision is to help gay, bisexual, transgender, Two Spirit, and queer men men create lives for themselves worth protecting with bold and fearless conviction.