Meet MENTANA!

Join us and get your calendars, autographs, and large size art. Eat, drink, and be gay! Happy Pride Missoula, Montana!

Meet David Herrera

     “Holy backsides Batman, he’s naked!”  This popped into my mind as I lay on the bed with superhero sheets and a bundle of comics scattered around me.  Another thought was, “Just smile and try to look relaxed!”  Well, not sure how well I pulled off the latter, but after about an hour and a half of Terry taking photographs, we were able to view several shots that hopefully would be good enough for a page in the calendar.  Having never stripped for a photographer, the experience was a first for me.  There really wasn’t ever a chance that I wouldn’t do the photoshoot.  After all, it would have seemed fairly hypocritical of me to ask guys in the community to pose for the calendar if I wasn’t prepared to do the same thing.  That said, I can certainly understand the nervousness and uncertainty they felt as they prepared for their own personal time in front of the camera, wearing next to nothing.  For me, the journey to be comfortable with my own body and in my own skin has been a long one.  Yet, one shaped by my earliest memories of fantasizing about the beautiful superheroes on the pages of comic books.

     As for most teenage boys growing up in a small town in rural Texas, comics were an escape to bigger cities filled with adventure, danger, and yes, superheroes able to leap tall buildings, run faster than a speeding bullet and bring criminals to justice.  Super heroes had no choice but to lead double lives in order to protect their personal identities.  As a young gay teen, leading a secret life and knowing that there was something about myself that I couldn’t share with anyone, was something I could easily relate to.  I yearned to wake up one day with super strength and the ability to climb walls thanks to the bite of a radioactive spider.  Or to have an alien drop out of the sky and bestow me with a green ring and the ability to create anything at will.  These were the fantasies that propelled me through junior high and high school.  Of course, I was never the muscled brawny type, more the 98-pound, skinny, brainy type.  I learned to run fast in order to stay a head of the sluggish, thick-headed bullies that chased me after school.  That was my super power.  Nonetheless, I would’ve traded running for one of those super rings in a heartbeat!

     I played tennis all through high school as a way to improve my coordination, stay fit and remain active.  Plus, it was a lot of fun and great to be part of a team.  As I grew up, I realized that even without super powers, I’d have to figure out how best to get along in the world and feel good about myself.  In many ways, comics helped shape my views of masculinity, but more importantly, they influenced my views about justice, honesty, courage and integrity.  I know now that the images of superheroes may not have been realistic for the vast majority of men, but they instilled in me the belief that through hard work and sweat, I would have the ability to create a body that I felt comfortable with.  I still struggle at times with body image, but all in all, I know that what’s on the inside, far outweighs what’s on the outside.  And that’s a lesson worth learning not only from superheroes, but from actual experience!

Meet Chris Haines

My coming out was at the age of 27, so I was a late bloomer. I am 33 now, and I’m still only at the cusp of my understanding of what it means to be a gay man in Montana. When I had heard of this project at my first ever Pride Rally at a speed dating event, I was very reluctant to jump right into it. I had to weigh all the pros and cons-- should or should I not. All the self-doubt I was feeling made a huge factor in my choice to say "Hell NO!", but a few months later and a lot of self-talk I convinced myself to say yes.

Growing up I was the fat chubby kid—low self-esteem and horrible self-worth. I didn't see what everyone else around me saw-- which was a bright and sensitive child with an incredible future ahead of me. Sadly, though, I was physically abused when I was 10 years old by two neighborhood boys near my house. I became angry and resentful. My trust in others was shattered and my spark for life diminished. I saw myself as damaged and unwanted. I held the anger and hate inside myself my whole life. When I realized I was different, with no concept or the word gay, at the age of 12 it fueled my anger. I had a deep self-loathing and rejected most of my friends and others around me-- never telling a soul of what had happened to me. As I said I was 27 when I finally came to grips with who I was, and after some counseling I admitted out loud and proud that I was a gay man and this is what had happened to me. Internally, I forgave the boys who are now grown men-- for what they did to me-- not for them, but it was more for me and my own healing processes.  By taking baby steps over the years, I now feel like a brand new man, ready to live life anew.

I got in touch with Terry Cyr and set up an appointment to meet with him. He made my initial hesitation and nervousness dissipate. I don't know what I was expecting to find when I met him, but to my delight the environment was very laid back with no expectations. He told me everything that would happen and what was expected of me to my great relief! When the day came and I stood in front of the camera for the first time, I was so nervous and scared. I was like OMG! Am I really doing this. But it became more natural and with his guidance I managed to shed my fears and my clothes in the interest of art and self-expression. I felt absolutely liberated. The process was very symbolic for me. I no longer saw myself as the shy, mistrusting overweight child to which I had seen in the mirror my whole life, but instead I saw a confident, attractive man with ambitions and wonderful friends and family support. Looking at my final pictures the way Terry had seen me through his lens opened my eyes to a new beginning. I see my life clearly and I celebrate a new awakening. Thank you Terry and all those that thought of doing this project, as well as to those that have participated in making this a reality. I am so glad to be a part of this experience. I say to all who read this: Cast aside your fears, doubts, reservations and inhibitions of your past. Open yourself to what the world has in store for you, because it is beautiful and so are we.

Meet Sam and Jayse

Sam Jaxin:

My "coming out" story is that I don't have a coming out story. My journey as a Two-Spirit started on the Crow Indian Reservation in Southeastern Montana when I was 5 years old with the guidance of my great-grandmother. At that age she and my family started teaching me the traditional roles of both the women and men in our tribe, which are gender specific. Being taught both roles helped me gain a stronger self-identity as a Crow Two-Spirit (Bite) throughout my life. I left the reservation when I graduated high school and have since been a modern day nomad.

In my travels I have found other Two-Spirit people from various tribes who have been taught their own traditional ways- and others who are searching for what was lost through Christianity and Genocide. Traditional Two-Spirit people are a dying race within Indian Country and it is has been my life goal to help revive these traditions to bring them back to the Indian people.

Throughout my journey I was very fortunate to find my husband, Jayse, who I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with and starting another journey together. The possibilities are endless when you have love without boundaries.

Jayse Matthews:

In a society drenched in a religious soaked upbringing, is unfortunately the way some of us are introduced to this world. Coming out in two thousand and eight, was the most trying and challenging years I've ever had to conclude. Throughout my childhood I knew there was something different about me. I like guys.

The imminent agony religion brought to my reality back then, the induced brainwashing; the voices inside my mind had been getting louder now and even harder to stop hearing.“You’re going to hell” “There’s something revolting and vile within you” “There isn't any hope for you”.

I noticed a change start to happen within after realizing something, I had never been ever truly happy. Unaware, my psyche was uncovering of what was causing so much physical and mental pain where the trauma was leaving me to die; after carrying the unessential baggage others had left in their trail for me to view their burden as my own, I was finally able to breathe. I was finally able to become ME! When I found myself for the first time, the feelings here on this page couldn't even describe the emancipation it brought.

My beginning journey is just one drop of water in the vast ocean of stories that countless people go through. It’s a sad reality that some of us travel. And for some, never find the path they are ever truly meant to be on. I became who I was born to be. If I didn't, I may have never have found someone who loves for who I am. And for that, I am thankful for my husband, Jaxin.

Meet Chantz Thilmony

One thing I've always been proud of is being born and raised in this beautiful state- although being here hasn't always been the easiest. 

Over the course of my young life, fitting in was always a struggle. I've always been labeled "too much" of something- too fat, too hairy, too femm, too gay- so self esteem hasn't always been the easiest to come by. As I've gotten older, I've really learned to love me and appreciate the skin I am- embracing the idea that who or what I am is not a problem to be solved. 

I really wanted to participate in this project after being inspired by reading the beautiful stories shared by the other Mentana participants. I wanted to share a vulnerable side of myself not often shared- in hopes of compelling others to challenge outside perceptions of themselves and truly embracing the beauty that makes each and every one of us unique. 

Meet Ophelia Uppe-Bouviér

I found the idea of modeling for this calendar intriguing, and thought I’d like to participate…. Which even surprised myself.


Why would I want to be involved with a project like this? Didn’t I know people were going to be purchasing this calendar? Naturally, the thought of me hanging in kitchens across town as Miss October or the like brought to mind some questions I had to carefully consider.


However, I’ve learned in my life that doing the unexpected and expressing myself as an artist are good things for me. And I’m certainly not shy when it comes to Ophelia.
Although clearly I am a drag queen, I always think of myself as an actor. I see how “Ophelia Uppe-Bouviér” has evolved into this complex character I’ve created with her own life and family. The crazier her antics, the more entertaining she is for us all, myself included. It’s a character that Curtis totally loses himself in, easily.
Here, we see the drag actor in his natural habitat, wardrobe in the background and tools of his trade scattered about the vanity. Beautiful in his average glory.

Meet Brandon Sorensen

Montana: A Place of Origin 

I find my comfort at home, here in Missoula, a community where many people find and make their way to tell their own personal story.  Mine isn’t quite that different from yours.  We all strive to make our own mark, to make a statement, to define ourselves.  I’ve discovered who I am by surrounding myself with others who are motivated, who don’t settle, who always push themselves to achieve their fullest potential.

I’m always learning, and like being challenged to think outside of the box.  When I heard about the Mentana Calendar Project, I was fascinated with those who had participated.  Men who choose to put themselves in a situation that’s unfamiliar, forcing them to open up and become an individual.   I found myself in that very same situation when I asked Terry Cyr to photograph me.  At first it was like I was a stone statue; rigid, course, and without fluidity. After a while it became easier.  I’ve found myself comparing this to my own personal story. 

Coming out was a challenge for me.  It took leaving Montana for me to gain my own sense of identity.  Upon coming back I found myself in a part of my life where I needed to make my mark.  I wanted to be a man who was looked up too, and who lived by example.  All of this was thanks to my father, who always encouraged me in to step into the unknown, to surround myself with challenges, to discover a man that I am creating for myself.  

 Today I am successful businessman and have surrounded myself with friends who quickly became family to me. I feel as if I have achieved my goals….but the beauty about life is that we never stop growing, we never settle, we continue to better ourselves in this LGBT community.  I’m Brandon Sorensen, I’m caring, driven, generous, motivated and adventurous. And above all I am proud to be a gay man, business owner and a Montanan.

Meet Song Stuker

I grew up in Harlem Montana. I was bullied a lot for being different. Then I moved away from my hometown and I was a little more comfortable with who I was. Then I went to Montana Big Sky Pride and it helped me come to terms with who I actually am. This project I participated in shows that I am proud of who I am.

Meet Kenny Keller

To start off I am a small town country guy. I grew up west of Kalispell where I was somewhat secluded from the real world as far as diversity goes. I was left to wander the property and find joy in the forest around my house. That’s where I found nature to be my medication.

Going into the photo shoot I was extremely nervous. I have always had an interest in male modeling but never felt that I was going to be good enough to do so. I always looked at the models in magazines and was infatuated with their styles, body postures and their physique. Although coming from Kila that was a dream far from where I live. Would being gay just add fire to the whole situation if I decided to move away to follow a dream?  So I kept the thought in my head “Would I ever get the chance to be one of those guys in a magazine?” Not likely.

About 20 minutes into the shoot I felt that as if I was having one of my dreams come true. I felt very comfortable and tuned into the whole shoot. I just knew the entire time that this is going to a good cause “Awareness.” The whole time I could feel myself getting more comfortable with my body and not being ashamed of who I am.

Afterwards I am no longer embarrassed of where I come from or what others think of me. I have had self-discovery with old and new friends that have definitely opened my eyes that I’m not alone. I’m more active and social. I wouldn’t be where I am today without  the help of a huge support group.

So what have I learned from this whole experience? I’ve learned that I am a unique individual who is loved by family, friends, nieces and nephews. To quote the amazing Lady Gaga “I was born this way.”  I am Kenneth Keller and I am a small town country guy who just happens to be gay, and PROUD.

Meet DJ Wade and Colton

DJ

I would never have done this shoot alone.  By myself, I would have been too self-critical to ever step behind the camera, but my interactions with Colton and Wade during the shoot made me feel sexy and beautiful  Don’t get me wrong, I was still critical of how I looked, but for the most part, instead of seeing my stretch marks, belly, and yes, the fuzz, I saw myself as part of a whole, one-third of something that I still can’t describe but couldn’t be happier with.  Rather than standing in front of the camera and focusing on everything that was “wrong”, I just relaxed and enjoyed spending time with both of my partners.  The result was fantastic!  I think our shoot captures perfectly my feelings about Colton and Wade, and I love that our shoot enables us to share with others the idea that happiness can be found outside the lines of what society deems “normal”.  Our relationship isn’t always easy, but for the most part we are always at ease, able to be ourselves around each other without fear of being judged or criticized.

Wade

It is interesting to look back on my past and speculate which experiences urged me forward in a direction, and which experiences caused me to make a conscience effort to act differently.   Growing up with a twin sister brought about my appreciation for companionship but also taught me to value a sense independence, hearing hateful comments about people due to race or sexuality has made me strive to be more accepting, and being told specifically how to live has made me try to be more open-minded towards opportunities that present themselves.  Polyamory is not something I had ever considered before meeting Colton and DJ.  Like every relationship, we began as friends and it turned into something more; something that seemed foolish to pass up just because it is out of the 'norm'.  When explaining our relationship to other people, I always get questions about jealousy but I believe that our relationship models an idea that love is something that should be shared among everybody, and if everybody is loved and knows it, jealousy cannot exist in the same way.

Colton

The photos that came from our shoot truly captured the diversity of our interacting personalities and emotions that occur in our relationship. Although we all had various levels of nervousness, they quickly eroded and the shoot became very natural. It was an exhilarating experience with a hell of a lot of laughter! Oftentimes, when others hear about the relationship I have with Wade and DJ, they remark “I could never do that”. I can’t imagine it any other way. I’ve never believed love was, or is, something that can be limited, and I was lucky enough to find two men who became open to such a relationship. Although we exist as a triad with three loving partners, we also function as three amazing couples with our own unique interactions and independent connections. Our relationship is the sum of its parts; the stronger we are as individual couples, the stronger our relationship is as a whole.

Meet Todd Bartle

The couch ... the soft, warm, leather couch was the perfect setting for this photo, because I think, in a lot of ways, the couch is a metaphor for many aspects of my personality ... aged, nurturing, welcoming, stable; a place, a person, that invites you in a surrounds you with warmth and love, and invites you to forget your troubles and, for a euphorious moment, just BE. 

 As I have grown more mature, I have discovered that there is more joy in taking care of the needs of others than tending to one's self interests.  For the first time in my life, this project has made me realize that I'm attractive. both inside and out.  Not only me, but men of all ages.  No matter what stage of life's journey we are on, we are all like snow flakes ... beautiful and unique.  When we're young, we carry our beauty on the outside, but as we age and mellow,  that beauty turns inward like a wonderful treasure waiting to be discovered. 

 Yes, I have a few laugh lines and crow's feet, but I would never want to cover them up.  They are an outward symbol, a badge of honor, that let's the world know I have lived well, laughed often, and loved much.

Meet Eric Hall

Going into this project, I really didn’t know what to think. Here I’m a short, stocky, native dude that grew up in a small town on a reservation; a humble guy that has a broad sense of humility. So when I was asked if I would model for the project, my immediate thought was: “Who wants to see pictures of that?”

You see, I spent most of my teen years and young adulthood hiding in oversized clothes.  I’d avoid looking in the mirror, because I didn’t like what was looking back at me.  And to compound that, I was so far in the closet that I might as well have been sitting on Judy Garlands shoe rack weeping into one of Patti Lupone’s evening gowns.  I’d slouch in the shadows, so people wouldn’t notice me as I wallowed in shame.  Shame not only for being gay, but shame as a result of thinking no one would ever find me in the least bit attractive.

I have never told my family this, nor my closest friends about how I felt, but I was on the verge of harming myself because of those feelings. 

I remember the day vividly where I seriously was considering ending it.  It was a frigid winter morning.  You know the type of frigid morning where you don’t want to do anything but stay in bed under all your blankets?  Except my bed was a couch and my blanket was a sleeping bag that I carried in my car.  I was homeless and was struggling to find a place I could call my own. All I could afford was food and gas to get me back and forth from school and work. All necessary possessions I had fit into a huge backpack that I would haul with me.  Needless to say, I was the epitome of the so called poor ass college student.

But that particular morning I had it.  The weight of my life started to wear on me and the omnipresence of sexuality and self-hatred started to compound the effects tenfold.

“Alright, look. If you do this, think of the grief that you’d cause.  Think of what it would do to your family.  To your friends,” I thought to myself. “Ok.  No. Deep breath. You can’t do this.  One step at a time.  Let’s get through school first, and we can go from there.”

And that was my first step.  My first step to accepting who I am: a gay, native, man. 

 Step by step, I worked on getting my life back under control.  Later that year, I graduated from college (Yay!  Now I’m a poor college graduate!  But that’s another story).  A shortly after that I came out to my close friends who, who I am glad to say, accepted me with tears in their eyes and love in their hearts. I found a place to live, I was using my education in my career, things started to look up.

All this was good, but I still had one more challenge.  My crippling sense of self.

 “Ok.  Now I’m out. Well, not completely out, but it’s a start.  But I still can’t look myself in the mirror.  Why is that such a problem?  How the hell do I even tackle this? Where do I even start?”

Little did I know, the answer was right in front of me.  I was talking with my brother and he had told me how he also felt self-conscious about his body and didn’t feel comfortable either. 

“Wait… What the?!?!?” 

This came to me as a surprise as I had always considered him to be the good looking one in our family.  He is lean, fit, masculine, and well, quite frankly, one handsome fella (The ladies are oh so lucky to have him.  Yes gentlemen, he is straight as they come).  So hearing this coming from him made me ponder, “Why does he think that? “

That’s when I had a profound epiphany of sorts. Everyone has body issues and it’s my own perception of my body that I need to overcome, not what everyone else’s thinks.  If someone doesn’t like it, then they are not the right person for me.  This is the only body I get in this lifetime, and I best rock it while I got it.  There was no specific person that I feared judgment or shame from.  I had finally met my biggest critic:  Myself.

Ultimately, this resulted in me coming out of the shadows little by little.  I started sitting up a little straighter.  When I would walk down the street, I found myself standing a little taller.

So, back to that question at the beginning. “Who wants to see that?”

This project gave me opportunity to challenge myself, to push the confines of my comfort zone. To expose myself and proudly answer it with another question: “Who WOULDN’T want to see that?”

Yes, I realize that this comes off as a little vain, and quite frankly, very narcissistic.  But there is one thing I have learned on my journey to getting here and it is that there is a fine line.  It’s a matter of walking the fine line with a dignity and a sense of humility. And as one of my favorite musicians so eloquently stated: “For me, music and life is all about style” - Miles Davis

UPDATE: Mentana Project Models

UPDATE: I am pleased to announce that we have EIGHT months out of the year completed! We have a few others who still need to get their photos taken, but we are nearing the completion of the first leg of our journey. WE WANT YOU TO BE A MODEL. There is still time and we won't stop at 12. We are hoping to wrap up our photoshoots by the end of August so that we can begin the layout, design, and production of the calendar. 

We have a variety of models, so now is your chance to be a voice to your community and more importantly to yourself. Step outside of your box, and meet guys from all across Montana. 

5k Milestone for MENtana Project!

We've had a lot of interest. How much interest you ask? We've had over 5,000 views in one month! Thank you for all of your support.

Interested in the Mentana Calendar Project? You too can be part of the project. We are continue to accept models. We've had some amazing photo shoots, some epic stories, press coverage, excitement, and bolstered confidence and self esteem through the project.  Share your story. Get involved and become a model for this sexy and sultry calendar that supports your community!

Sign up here

Meet Stopher Gehring

Water has always been a powerful symbol to me. I have fond memories of the ocean, the Seattle rains, and water is the element of Scorpio.  It represents emotion, depth, and change. In high school I had always been very body conscious. I would journal every day and in each entry I would include my weight.  For years I tracked my weight and struggled with a mild eating disorder.

As I grew older I learned the skills to overcoming my eating disorder.  I learned how to have a positive body image and how be critical of the media and all that they were telling me I needed to be. I put faith in the media’s portrayal of gay men—mimicking their fashions, styles, and most importantly their bodies. It was intoxicating to think that this industry didn’t care that I was gay. You could be gay and accepted, but you need to fit this standard. I never lived up to that standard.

 I always felt my body could be better. I could be bigger. I could be more sculpted. I should be hairless (I waxed to compensate). I should be tall. I should be stoic. I should be unfeeling and unscathed. I was none of these things and it felt empty.

Posing in front of the camera today I picked my element water, the element of which I am most comfortable in.  The shower was a safe space for me. It was my own personal baptism and confessional—no one to judge me, no one to be critical of my appearance. Terry asked me during the interview for the project what I had in mind and I told him that I had always felt comfortable in the water and would really like to do a shoot that involves my element.

I had brought my partner along to the photo shoot. It was an amazing experience getting to pose for my partner while Terry silently clicked away on his camera. 

It was strange at first having two men watch me shower (one being my partner, and the other Terry-- a friend prior to the project-- it still felt strange). I had never let anyone just watch me shower. This was the most vulnerable I had ever been. I had brought in an audience to watch me in my sanctuary and it was beautiful to share.

The most eye opening experience was sitting down with both my partner and my friend and looking at the raw photos. All the while I was posing for Terry and shamelessly flirting with my partner while they watched me shower I had no idea how I looked.  It was empowering to have my peers sharing and showing a beauty that I never get to see of myself.  I was surprised with many of the photos that Terry and my partner found to be attractive, beautiful, and interesting—something I would have never considered beautiful about myself was recognized by others and in doing so and experiencing that I found a beautiful piece of myself that I have been missing out on. I'm forever grateful for this experience.