Rediscover: Eric Lawrence

I am a work in progress. I am always growing and changing with the trials I've faced, people I've met, and the places I've been, shaping me into the man I am today.

I was born in Indiana and moved to Montana when I was very young. I moved around a lot so investing in long term friendships was virtually impossible. I was always the good kid, did what I was told, and followed the rules most of my life. I've always put the needs of others before my own because I didn't want to burden others with my problems so I bottled them up and put them out of sight.

I moved away from Montana to pursue a better career in the Commercial Airline industry, to travel around to states I’ve never been, and to experience life outside of the shelter of Montana.  During my travels the floodgates burst wide open and I lost all self-control. There were no boundaries, my inhibition was lost, and judgment was "blurred".  I realized towards the end of that year I needed help and moved back to Montana.

Major life events during 2013/2014

**December 5 - Parents Divorced

  Dec 31 - Breakup - His reason being not ready for commitment.

  Feb 6 - He then began to date a friend of mine, lowering my self-worth.

  Mar 7- Tested positive for HIV

**March 13 - Confirmed diagnosis of HIV (results received at the beginning of my first photo-shoot)

  Mar 17 - Brother and Sister-in-law discussed plan to divorce

  Aug 16 - Made a health conscious decision to step down from management. I became          critical of my resignation, feeling that I failed yet again.

**September 26 – I quit my job and moved to Seattle with intentions to overdose on drugs.

***October 18 - Predetermined date of my VERY LAST BIRTHDAY. However my plan was found out by a close friend, who convinced me to go back home.

Dec 3 - Brother and his family moved to Wyoming.

**Dec 25 – Woke up early, however stayed in bed wishing the day would end. I just wanted to let the HIV run its course so I stopped taking my meds. Around noon my mother convinced me to go see "Into the Woods" with her. The song "You are not alone" at the end rang deep in my soul. I realized that even though I feel alone, there is always someone on my side. Giving me a glimmer of hope that it will get better. Day by day I am regaining my strength to keep moving forward.

I chose to get a tattoo of the biohazard symbol to represent my struggle with HIV, which has been made to look like weathered stone to symbolize that it will always a part of my life. It will be stay a part of me in years to come as time fades everything. I also chose to have ivy growing and spiraling throughout the symbol because of what it symbolizes. It represents survival and determination to grow in the harshest of conditions. It seems to be “virtually” indestructible and will often return after it has suffered damage or has been severely cut back. This is an example of the human spirit and the strength we all have to carry on regardless of how harrowing our setbacks may have been.

As I said before I am and will always be a work in progress.

I will survive no matter what hardships may come my way.