Meet Stopher Gehring

Water has always been a powerful symbol to me. I have fond memories of the ocean, the Seattle rains, and water is the element of Scorpio.  It represents emotion, depth, and change. In high school I had always been very body conscious. I would journal every day and in each entry I would include my weight.  For years I tracked my weight and struggled with a mild eating disorder.

As I grew older I learned the skills to overcoming my eating disorder.  I learned how to have a positive body image and how be critical of the media and all that they were telling me I needed to be. I put faith in the media’s portrayal of gay men—mimicking their fashions, styles, and most importantly their bodies. It was intoxicating to think that this industry didn’t care that I was gay. You could be gay and accepted, but you need to fit this standard. I never lived up to that standard.

 I always felt my body could be better. I could be bigger. I could be more sculpted. I should be hairless (I waxed to compensate). I should be tall. I should be stoic. I should be unfeeling and unscathed. I was none of these things and it felt empty.

Posing in front of the camera today I picked my element water, the element of which I am most comfortable in.  The shower was a safe space for me. It was my own personal baptism and confessional—no one to judge me, no one to be critical of my appearance. Terry asked me during the interview for the project what I had in mind and I told him that I had always felt comfortable in the water and would really like to do a shoot that involves my element.

I had brought my partner along to the photo shoot. It was an amazing experience getting to pose for my partner while Terry silently clicked away on his camera. 

It was strange at first having two men watch me shower (one being my partner, and the other Terry-- a friend prior to the project-- it still felt strange). I had never let anyone just watch me shower. This was the most vulnerable I had ever been. I had brought in an audience to watch me in my sanctuary and it was beautiful to share.

The most eye opening experience was sitting down with both my partner and my friend and looking at the raw photos. All the while I was posing for Terry and shamelessly flirting with my partner while they watched me shower I had no idea how I looked.  It was empowering to have my peers sharing and showing a beauty that I never get to see of myself.  I was surprised with many of the photos that Terry and my partner found to be attractive, beautiful, and interesting—something I would have never considered beautiful about myself was recognized by others and in doing so and experiencing that I found a beautiful piece of myself that I have been missing out on. I'm forever grateful for this experience.